What Is Cold Anyway

I had the pleasure of growing up in Wisconin and Texas, So I find this passage amusing:
COLD IS A RELATIVE THING. . . . . . .
65 above zero:Floridians turn on the heat.People in Wisconsin plant gardens.
60 above zero:Californians shiver uncontrollably.People in Wisconsin sunbathe.
50 above zero:Italian & English cars won't start.People in Wisconsin drive with the windows down.
40 above zero:Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.People in Wisconsin throw on a flannel shirt.
35 above zero:New York landlords finally turn up the heat.People in Wisconsin have the last cookout before it gets cold.
20 above ZeroPeople in Miami all die.Wisconsinites close the windows. Zero:Californians fly away to Mexico.People in Wisconsin get out their winter coats.
10 below zero:Hollywood disintegrates.The Girl Scouts in Wisconsin are selling cookies door to door.
20 below zero:Washington DC runs out of hot air.People in Wisconsin let the dogs sleep indoors.
30 below zero:Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.Wisconsinites get upset because they can't start the Snow-mobile.
40 below zero:ALL atomic motion stops.People in Wisconsin start saying...'Cold enough fer ya?'
50 below zero:Hell freezes over.Wisconsin public schools will open 2 hours late